The Joys of Summer in the Hamptons

IT’S LATE, BUT IT’S BACK, MY ANNUAL GUIDE TO THE JOYS OF SUMMER IN THE HAMPTONS

It’s summer and you have been invited to a three-month-long party as your reward for living through another lousy winter. Here’s what to expect for the next 99 or so days:

Incredibly fresh, sweet corn from that little farm stand PIKES FARMS on Sag Main just south of Loaves & Fishes...

Ice-cold beer, beefsteak tomatoes, clams, lobsters, a big beautiful steak marinating in soy, garlic and ginger, fresh-cut flowers...

The late great Jimmy Buffett singing “Cheeseburger in Paradise” on your car radio...

Margaritas...

Eating at ESTIA’S in Sag Harbor, Great for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Featuring some of the best food in the Hamptons, served by the nicest people whose smiles will light up your whole day. Tip them and all the wait staff here and at every restaurant you visit in the Hamptons. 20%...25%...30%...Tipping lavishly won’t kill you and it will help them feed their kids and pay their rent…

Discover what the locals have known for a few years.

East Hampton has lost the title of everyone’s favorite town in the Hamptons to Sag Harbor.

If you want to buy some incredibly expensive clothes, go to East Hampton.

If you want to have fun and a great meal, Sag Harbor is the place for you and your family.

Some restaurants you should try in Sag Harbor. Le Bilboquet, Sen, Page , Lulu Kitchen & Bar, Beacon, The American Hotel, Bell an Anchor…

Would you believe delicious Japanese food at reasonable prices? That’s SUKI ZUKI in Water Mill. It serves some of some of the most wonderful fresh Sushi. My favorite dish is the Chicken Salad. Great food. Great bar. Great experience…

 Everyone’s favorite, ROWDY HALL moved last year from East Hampton and is now serving the same wonderful food in Amagansett. Well worth the trip…

Let’s hear it for the incredible sliced steak at BOBBY VAN’S in Bridgehampton. Charred on the outside, rare on the inside — it’s the best steak in the Hamptons...

Want to travel back in time, and see what the Hamptons were like in the glory days 50 years ago? Get thee to Bridgehampton’s CANDY KITCHEN. It’s been the favorite breakfast and lunch place for the great and the near-great for years. Wonderful food and the best ice cream in New York State. When you come in you’ll probably trip over me almost having lunch there every day…

heck out the great menu at THE HIGHWAY RESTAURANT AND BAR in East Hampton. Treat yourself to the wonderful steamed pork buns and you must taste John’s Eggplant Parmigiana and the delicious Thai chicken stir fry…

A great way to enjoy a scrumptious Friday dinner in Bridgehampton ? Go to PIERRE’S for its savory Bouillabaisse Marseillaise...

Dreaming of an icy fresh Raw Bar featuring the most delicious CRUDO DU JOUR in all the Hamptons ? You’ll find it at ALMOND in Bridgehampton…

Drop into THE CORNER BAR  in Sag Harbor and enjoy  some of the most delicious, affordable comfort food in the Hamptons…

You can’t go wrong eating at the EAST HAMPTON GRILL, NICK & TONI’S and BOSTWICKS CHOWDER HOUSE in East Hampton,..

Dine outside in the garden at DOPO IL PONTE in Bridgehampton and taste some delicious pizza and wonderful Italian food…

Follow the best chef in the Hamptons, Michael Rozzi, who is running the kitchen at THE 1770 HOUSE. Michael used to run my kitchen at Della Femina Restaurant – he’s a sweetheart of a person and a fantastic chef. He gets my vote for the best food in the Hamptons…

My favorite restaurant for Italian food (the delicious clams steamed in white wine bring tears of joy to my eyes) is CAPPELLETTI’S. It’s at 3284 Noyac Road in Sag Harbor. You’re in for a treat — this is an unpretentious treasure. Modestly priced, it’s wonderful for families and kids. Luigi and Robin Tagliasacchi are the perfect hosts (he does the cooking) and, I swear, their made-on-the-spot cannoli is the best I’ve ever tasted. I had a cannoli there one night that was so big, it had a first-class section and a coach section. Without a doubt, their wonderful cannoli puts Ferrara of Little Italy to shame...

Get yourself to Sag Harbor, go into tiny CAVANIOLA’S GOURMET CHEESE SHOP. It’s the best cheese selection in the Hamptons...

Want to make the most delicious, juicy, hamburgers. Rush to CROMER’S Noyac road in Sag Harbor. This is a food store with the greatest meat department in the country. Ask for Ray who belongs in the Butchers Hall of Fame. Tell him Jerry sent you…

Browse for a great summer book at BOOKHAMPTON in East Hampton and SAG HARBOR BOOKS in Sag Harbor and now the new BARNES & NOBLE in the Bridgehampton Commons. We need every bookstore in the Hamptons to thrive. Buy a book for your kids, too. For crying out loud, take that cellphone out of your ear and put some knowledge into your head...

Get ready for traffic jams around Exit 31 of the LIE that last for a weekend...

Orange traffic cones wherever you drive...

Margaritas...

Chubby people in their 50s wearing cut-off jeans and T-shirts with dumb inscriptions...

Nasty hedge fund guys hopping off their own planes with a jaunty, arrogant strut. They have so, so much – why don’t they look happy?...

Bike riders testing your driving skills and nerves on Further Lane...

Little kids coming out of the surf so teeth-chattering cold that you want to hug the warmth back into them...

Dumb drunks who should know better, aiming two-ton cars at innocent people. We need more Saturday night inspection roadblocks in the Hamptons. We need police cutting drunk drivers’ licenses into little pieces right before their eyes...

Undressing at night, reaching into your pants pocket, and yelping as a cocktail toothpick is embedded in your palm. Check your blazer pocket, and you’ll find a half-dozen cocktail toothpicks and God knows how many cocktail napkins...

Enjoying a beach party on a moonlit beach while keeping a close eye on the little kids as they watch the marshmallow on the end of the branch they’re holding go into a raging bonfire and magically turn from a white little pillow into a brown caramelized treat...

Margaritas...

Runners clogging up the roadway with their “I’m healthy and you’re not” eyes...

Adorable six-year-old kids (with profit-making skills genetically bred into them) selling lemonade on Lily Pond Lane at outrageously high prices...

Hurricanes that never materialize. Then one that comes too close...

Margaritas...

Sipping a drink and taking in a beautiful sunset...

More margaritas...

Bluefish, nutty as fruitcakes, following their prey right into shore, right to their doom. Overhead, gulls fly in lazy circles, taking it all in...

Grown men hiding behind their sunglasses as they sneak lascivious, Jeffrey Epstein looks at their children’s teenage nannies...

Starring in your own romantic movie as you watch a full moon turn the ocean or the bay into a shimmering silver carpet...

The Hampton bees (smarter than the average bee) that stalk your cookouts and terrorize your kids all summer long...

Basting your children with suntan lotion with the same care you give your Thanksgiving turkey...

Lost sunglasses, flippers, goggles, youth, bathing suits, nose clips, romance, boogie boards that you never seem to find again...

Falling into a 20-something hot new place in Montauk, feeling age-challenged, and realizing for the first time in your life you don’t belong...

The Artists and Writers Annual Softball Game, where for a few hours the players can live out their childhood dreams of being Mickey Mantle. Watching guys who 20 years ago used to huff, now puff as they round the bases...

The Sunday night Land Rover/Mercedes/BMW/Tesla parade on 27...

Feeling disappointed and awed at the same time as you see the first beautiful monarch butterfly of the year.

They only seem to show up on the last week of August...

Biting into the last hamburger you can possibly eat on the Monday night of Labor Day weekend and realizing that the potato trucks have started to roll and it’s all regretfully over...

HAVE THE BEST SUMMER!