All Posts

OHMYGOD… they’re back. In a few days, the 2026 Winter Olympics will be coming from Milan, Italy and from Cortina d’Ampezzo, an Italian ski resort that is as popular with billionaire skiers as Epstein Island was popular with billionaire pedophiles. I hardly got over the 2022 Olympics and they’re back again. Here’s what I remember of the 2022 games. There was my wife, the beautiful Judy Licht, along with every gay guy in the world, glued to a television set watching figure skat

I want to say thanks to the hundreds of good people who sent me condolences on the death of my little dog Shlomo. Maybe it’s the snow…maybe it’s the sad news of our government raping Minneapolis… maybe it’s the many little nameless pains that come from my age but since we lost Shlomo there is a feeling of emptiness in my home. How can a little dog make a great big warm house and life feel empty? I don’t know. But I know this, Shlomo lived a charmed life, he loved everybody an

I think Donald Trump is a vile pig --the worst person in the world. He has surrounded himself with cretins and he thinks he can take over the world with his disgusting lies. ICE is his Gestapo .Stephen Miller is his Heinrich Himmler. And the Republican politicians are too chicken to try to stop him. He hasn’t been stopped yet and the only people who have the courage to fight him are the brave artists who are rebelling against Trump putting his name on what is now the Trump Ke

But first a Rodney Dangerfield joke that should explain everything. Dangerfield: My wife and I were in bed trying to have sex, but nothing was working. Finally, I turned to her and asked, “What’s the matter, can’t you think of anyone else either?” What I’m about to reveal is word-for-word true. A while ago, I was driving in my car with a male acquaintance of mine. The subject of marriage came up. My friend, who has been married for 7 years, revealed to me that lately he’s bee

Worldwide gross sales of Mattel’s Barbie Doll fell once again this quarter. So far in 2025, Barbie doll sales for Mattel have seen a significant downturn, with double-digit declines in Q3 sales and increased unsold inventory. It looks like it’s over for Barbie. She’s on life support. Mattel (Barbie’s parent corp.) — is trying desperately to keep her alive saying “Barbie has been brain dead for 65 years so why is her boyfriend Ken so anxious to pull the plug, now?” Ken, whose

I repeat this column every year. It’s about family and memories. This Christmas Eve when I’m cooking for over 40 members of my family,I will be thinking that, like my grandmother did so many years ago, I will be cooking up sweet memories for my grandchildren to have for the rest of their lives ... It Wasn't about Christmas Day for us. Christmas Day was about turkeys and hams and cranberry sauce. That wasn’t our food. The holiday ads of the time showed illustrations of waspy-l

A few days ago I announced that I was planning a new book, putting together some of my Jerry Ink columns I’ve written every Tuesday for the past 30 or more years.  Columns first written in my newspaper, The East Hampton Independent and now on Facebook. I received hundreds of encouraging texts. One note simply read “Do the book but don’t forget ‘The Biggest Ass.” I found it and here it is. THE BIGGEST ASS  So in my dream, Dante Alighieri, the greatest Italian poet and writer,

DON’T READ THIS – IT WILL ONLY DEPRESS YOU This past Sunday was a day I wanted to hold on to. Every hour every minute, every second. The sun was shining all day. The sky was actually that kind of fake cartoon blue you remembered from old Disney movies. I desperately tried to make Sunday last forever. It was summer to me. I failed. Sunday went. There’s nothing we can do about it.  I counted the minutes as they were slipping away.  Then the sun fell into the sea and the shadows

I came face to face with death the other day. There I was, walking on Lexington Avenue between 62nd and 63rd streets, mumbling to myself about the end of summer when I saw death. Death was one of those idiot delivery kids speeding with a bicycle on the crowded sidewalk. He had his baseball cap on backwards which is a dead giveaway that his head was holding an IQ of 80 or less. He wasn’t looking at anyone, he was staring at his cell phone. The people in front of his bike were

I publish my summer lament…Della Femina curse every year, as a public service to make sure your friends and relatives will think twice before they send you an invitation that will screw you out of a precious summer weekend. Every year I start this column by asking this question: Why do they do it? Why do our friends and relatives destroy the summer for us? Why can’t they get married in February? Why do they choose the middle of summer to have birthdays, anniversaries, Bar Mit

IT’S LATE, BUT IT’S BACK, MY ANNUAL GUIDE TO THE JOYS OF SUMMER IN THE HAMPTONS It’s summer and you have been invited to a three-month-long party as your reward for living through another lousy winter. Here’s what to expect for the next 99 or so days: Incredibly fresh, sweet corn from that little farm stand PIKES FARMS on Sag Main just south of Loaves & Fishes... Ice-cold beer, beefsteak tomatoes, clams, lobsters, a big beautiful steak marinating in soy, garlic and ginger, fr

I repeat this column every year. It’s about family and memories. This Christmas Eve when I’m cooking for over 40 members of my family I will be thinking that, like my grandmother did so many years ago, I will be cooking up sweet memories for my grandchildren to have for the rest of their lives ... It wasn’t about Christmas Day for us. Christmas Day was about turkeys and hams and cranberry sauce. That wasn’t our food. The holiday ads of the time showed illustrations of waspy-l

The New York Mets honored one of their greatest players, Keith Hernandez, the other day and retired his uniform number 17. It was a well-deserved honor and Hernandez, a great man, was a great ballplayer for the Mets. No one mentioned that Hernandez spent many years before the Mets playing for the St. Louis Cardinals. And in those days, while a star player, Hernandez was a wild man and has admitted he snorted a ton of cocaine. I think if the Cardinals want to honor Hernandez

I don’t have a single idea in my pretty little head, so this column is a few jokes and items I have seen on the internet. And the good news is there is just one political rant and it’s not from me. Special thanks for some of this stuff goes to my good friend Dennis Holt, the world’s greatest media person… ******************************************************** Hyman & Esther, married 65 years, are living together in an assisted living facility in Boynton Beach, Florida. O

This is for the 17-year-old girl who suddenly finds out she’s pregnant and can’t tell her parents and has nowhere to turn… This is for the 39-year-old woman who has six children and can’t afford to feed another child… This is for the unmarried 25-year-old struggling to survive every day who can’t imagine bringing a child into her dark, lonely world… This is for every woman who finds she is pregnant and can’t imagine bringing a child into her world now. In five years, maybe, b

So, it’s time to accept the fact that kindly, old, doddering President Joe Biden is an incredible liar. Worse than certifiably crazy Donald Trump. Worse than Nixon. Worse than Rutherford B. Hayes. (Actually, I don’t know if Rutherford B. Hayes was a liar. I just like writing his name.) Biden is in a lying class by himself. Biden takes the blame for nothing. I expected him to say “I didn’t fall, the bicycle fell, and I went down to keep it company.” These days he’s blamin

I’m an about-to-give-up-on-them Republican who voted for Biden (and Hillary) against Trump. I knew Trump was a monster. I didn’t know he was a crazy monster. If both Biden and Trump run in 2024 I’ll write in the name of Nikki Haley. The good media news is the New York Times is about to dump Biden. And the New York Post is about to drop Trump. Plus, my good friend, the brilliant Ed Kosner, just summed up Trump’s future this way. Kosner wrote: “Trump’s Big Lie has now put

Everyone says this is a crazy idea. Everyone I run it by says it won’t work. But how many more innocent 10-year-old kids, sitting in school, have to be killed by a maniac armed with an AR-15 assault weapon before we outlaw assault weapons? Here’s my idea. Let me start by saying: I don’t like Biden any more than you do. But here’s a plan that will make him a hero, change his disgusting poll numbers and will possibly help him to get some votes from parents of small children, sh

I publish this column every year as a public service to make sure your friends and relatives will think twice before they send you an invitation that will screw you out of a precious summer weekend. I ask this question every year. Why do they do it? Why do our friends and relatives destroy the summer for us? Why can’t they get married in February? Why do they choose the middle of summer to have birthdays, anniversaries, Bar Mitzvahs, family, college, high school and even nurs

OK. We survived, sort of... You can stop worrying about Covid-19 getting you. Start worrying about the monkey pox instead. I say screw it all. I say let’s have a glorious summer. The Hamptons, which were crowded this winter with people running from New York City, will be packed this summer with more people than ever before. Pretend you have been invited to a three-month-long party as your reward for living through this inflation-scary year. Here’s what to expect for the next