WHY I’M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT IN 2028

BUT FIRST A JOKE

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop, right on his twitchy little nose.

“Oh, please excuse me,” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.”

“That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?”

“Well, I really don’t know,” said the bunny. “I’m blind, and I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.”

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, “Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!”

The bunny said, “I can’t thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?”

The snake replied that he didn’t know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, “Well, what kind of an animal am I?”

The bunny had felt the snake all over and then replied, “You’re cold, you’re slippery, and you haven’t got any balls…you must be a POLITICIAN.”

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WHO CAN BE WORSE THAN DONALD TRUMP AS PRESIDENT?

HOW ABOUT ME ?

On Nov 18 1956 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev

said this about the cold war between Russia and the United States:

“Whether you like it or not, WE WILL BURY YOU”

For the next 70 years we laughed at him. We were a free, strong, happy, capitalist nation.

"The Greatest Generation” was still alive during most of those years .

Sadly, most of them are dead, or over a hundred years old today.

And who are we left with? Donald Trump. YUCK.

Just look at today’s disgusting headlines.

Just look at your fast shrinking savings.

So, who can promise to give Americans what they secretly want these days…which is everything?

Why not me, I say? I can lie, like every politician in the world does.

That’s why I’m running for President and heading up THE FREE EVERYTHING PARTY in 2028

Yes, it’s true, I was a middle-of-the-road Republican all my life, but Trump cured all that.

Let’s look at the politicians who will be circling the White House tomorrow. They may make Khrushchev's prediction come true.

There’s the very beautiful and very dumb, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez. (AOC)

There’s New York’s Mayor Zohran Mamdani.

Mamdani is a socialist/communist who want’s to tax and eliminate the rich and next the middle class, to pay for any cacamamie, communist/light program he has planned for what used to be the world's richest city.

His ideas of free busses, and government owned supermarkets are winning a lot of votes.

OAC and Mamdani must be stopped before they turn the United states into another Cuba or Venezuela.

It’s clear to me that the best way to stop them is with a campaign that will reach Gen Zs, Millennials and their long-suffering parents, gays, liberals, blacks, hispanics, transgenders, cross-dressers, etc.

My campaign is inspired by that commie, pinko, bed-wetting freak Bernie Sanders.

Bernie has written a book titled “It’s Ok to be Angry About Capitalism.”

What Bernie doesn’t say is, capitalism has been very, very good for Bernie.

He has never worked a day in his life. He’s been a professional politician living off of our tax dollars and, are you ready…today Bernie Sanders net worth is 3 million dollars and he has 3 houses.

I did a little background research at the start of my campaign and asked the question:

“What would make intelligent Democrats look at Sander’s hideous record in Congress over the years, where he achieved nothing, and still consider voting for him again and again?”

His secret? Many years ago, Bernie hit on the four-letter word that wins votes.

 F-R-E-E

Bernie is my hero.

I, of course, will do even better. I’m promising FREE EVERYTHING!

My campaign song will be that old standard from the 1950s:

“The moon belongs to everyone

The best things in life are free.”

Here’s what will make the average or below-average Gen Z and millennial drool:

Not only will college be free when I’m elected, but I will break the hold that some Asians have on all the top colleges.

The nerve of some of these people, who think just by having superior intelligence and working and studying all the time that they can jump over millions of young people who would like to be intelligent, but are not, and don’t have the time to study because they have committed themselves to staring at their cell phones every waking hour for the rest of their lives.

So, here’s my good news for those young 18 TO 42 year old lunkheads.

As President I’m going to force every institution of higher learning to accept answers that come from AI (Artificial Intelligence). With AI, a student with an IQ of 82 can take his computer or phone into a test and come out with a paper that was actually written by a computer with an IQ of over 200. He doesn’t have to work or think. His computer or phone will do the thinking for him.

Isn’t this a great country?

Here’s my plan to level the educational playing field and save many parents millions of dollars that they would have otherwise used to bribe school officials or hire expensive tutors.

When I become President, by executive order, I will force every college to change its name to one of these five great college names:

Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, MIT.

This will enable every young lunkhead, barely getting out of high school, with an SAT score that’s two points lower than his body temperature, to someday say he or she attended Harvard. Or Yale, or Princeton etc… etc…

He doesn’t have to say that the Harvard he attended was formerly called Livingston University of West Alabama. It’s his or her secret.

What’s more, in the future it will be illegal for a potential employer to ask any questions as to which of the 640 Harvards or 523 Yales that the student attended.

Other free things I will promise include a free clothing allowance for cross-dressers and transgenders.

I will also make tattoos free for all. I mean, it’s your body that’s receiving a painful tattoo, so why should you also have to pay for it?

 Next, I propose free weed and gummies for everyone. It’s on me and it’s on the government. Just remember me (if you can remember anything in 2028) when the time comes to vote.

 I also plan break up Apple, because if our forefathers could have looked into the future, they would have wanted every American to have a free smart phone.

And while I’m at it, I say, “Let’s break up AT&T, Verizon and all the others. Why should any young American have to pay for phone service?”

Hell, all you want to do is talk to your friends all day and take pictures of your Quinoa and Tofu salad bowl lunch that you can Instagram around the world – that’s not asking for much.

And let’s make sure that in the future every election will be won by Democrats or Republicans.

 For this we owe a thanks to that great American er … er … make that great Native American, Elizabeth Warren, who decided years ago she wanted to do away with the Electoral College as a means of electing a president. She’s right – what made our stupid founding fathers think that every vote from every state should count?

My plan is even better: In the future, by executive order, only the votes from two states – New York and California – should count. That should keep the right people in office for the next 150 years.

Besides, who gives a damn what someone in Alabama thinks?

They lost the Civil War and as far as I’m concerned, they’ve lost their chance to vote.

And to be completely transparent, and avoid any indictment by that idiot, New York District Attorney Alvin Bragg, I must admit these were not all my ideas. Credit for much of this brilliant thinking must go to my vice presidential running mate.

He’s handsome. He’s a war hero. He has the greatest political record and he will swear that he has been, all his life, a Democrat/Republican . Thanks to his Great, Great, Grandfather Harry Truman, his uncle’s Dwight Eisenhower and Ronald Reagan and the late John Kennedy, his aunt Hillary Clinton. His Grand Mother Eleanor Roosevelt, and his father Chuck Schumer. Let’s hear it for my running mate that great politician, GEORGE SANTOS.